Upon This Rock I Will Build My...Gym?

Ok, so today my family and I went to a friend of the family's first communion (Mom is her Godmother).
My Dad and I weren't very ecstatic to be sitting for two hours in a stuffy church not understanding anything that is said (It's a french church). We followed the directions and found ourselves in a school gym with metal folding chairs set up in the place of pews. So, instead of sitting respectfully through the service, Dad and I decided to mock the entire service shamelessly. Here are some excerpts from our conversations:


Me: What do we do about kneeling? There are none of those knee-rest thingies.
Dad: This is a hardcore church, they use the floor.


Me: I thought you would have taken the opportunity and taken a while in the 'bathroom'
Dad: Didn't want to miss the cannibalism, are we eating Christ yet?


Dad: Dammit, they blocked cell reception,  it's a conspiracy to make us pay attention!


Dad: How long has it been?
Me: About an hour.
Dad: Is it half-time yet? Intermission?


Dad: [gesturing to the lady in front of us] I dare you to pinch her butt. 
Me: What? You're crazy.
Mom: What did he say? 
Me: He dared me to pinch her butt.
Mom: Hahahaha...I dare you.


Me: What do they need donations for? Gym upkeep?


Me: Is it snacktime yet?


Dad: The only reason they make us sit and stand so much is to keep us from falling asleep. It works too, interrupted a nice nap...

Mom: Where is she?

Me: Over there, in the lunch line.

Dad: O great, we get to go to a party with the guy who has a cross tattooed on his neck.

Mom: Better to have him with you than against you. I knew him growing up, and he used to chase me with a two by four. 

Me: HA! Did it have nails in it?

Mom: Yes, it did actually.

Mom: Stop guys, you are being disrespectful to the... Gym...

Dad: This is around the point where your grandpa and I used to sneak out.

Me: Just take a break for a bit?

Dad: No, we'd wait until there were 2 minutes left before slipping back in.

Dad: Can you understand what that says?

Me: Yea, you want me to translate?

Dad: No, just tell me if it means "Prayer of Ending"

Me: Did they say "Menage a trois, seigneur Jesus?"

Mom: No! "Louange a tois, seigneur Jesus."

Dad: Hehe, menage a trois!

Sometime around then Dad and I descended into uncontrollable giggles (Which are worse in a Catholic Mass than business class apparently) and Mom had to split us up.

Sorry if I have offended any people out there, it wasn't my intention, but then again, you don't have to read this blog if you don't want to.

Paix avec vous 

(paixsdfsdfsadfsnkjljlijkljlklkj)

-MAESTRO